Correction: I’m not a good listener to crap.
I really don’t like when people want to talk and then spill their guts, ask for advice, then get mad because you didn’t tell them what they wanted to hear.
Everyone who knows me knows that I don’t like advice, ESPECIALLY unsolicited advice. If I want to blow off steam, then I’ll say that. I rarely ask for advice and I NEVER give advice. That’s not to say I’m unwilling to accept it. I realize that some people are just predisposed to giving advice and they mean absolutely no harm. Nothing wrong with that, their personalities are flawed.
My personality is also flawed. I’m pretty straightforward so I only give advice when asked. If we’re talking and you don’t ask for it, I’ll say,
Damn, that sucks..
But never will I just go offering advice. Its not in my nature. I can’t be Oprah to all my friends’ man, money, life problems. And they know this. No shame here whatsoever.
Now, before you put me in a box and say I’m mean and not a good friend, you have to do your homework.
There have been more than a few instances of me giving advice and getting blamed for when things don’t work out. I’ve lost friends and even broken up with people for stating my opinion after they absolutely begged for it. So now I go out of my way to not give advice unless asked and I
don’t try to put myself in other people’s shoes. My advice is tailored to meet my needs.
Although, on the other side of that, I’ve been told I give excellent advice, especially when there’s food involved. Or wine. Or both. I get right to the point and we’re toasting to the upcoming weekend by the time entrees come out. No pussyfooting around the problem, get into it with both feet or avoid it like the plague. Either way you’re paying for lunch.
I’m the friend who gives great advice under the pretense that my advice, like the truth. Might hurt a lil bit. I’m not the friend who will sugar coat life. Please understand; none of your problems stop the sun from shining and none of your flaws make you less of a person. We all have our crosses to bear. But there are people starving and children dying, so break up the pity party. Seriously. Knock it off.
Yes, I’m the brutally honest friend. The one who has a heart of gold and might give you the shirt off her back but I won’t let you kid yourself, especially if you ask me if you’re kidding yourself.
Each one of your friends serves a purpose. God makes no purposeless people. None. You’re not an idiot. You know what category each one of your friends falls in:
I used to be the mother. Not no mo’.
Don’t think it’s because I don’t want to or care to listen to your problems. It’s the complete opposite. I never confide in anyone so I love it when people confide in me. I don’t take issue with people bearing their souls; that’s not the problem. The problem comes in once the soul bearing is over:
Friend: “So, what do you think I should do?”
Me: “Are you asking me for my opinion?”
Friend: “Of course I am. I respect your opinion. I really what to know what you think.”
Aw, damn. Why you gotta go and respect my opinion? I give an oblivious look and pretend to think of advice when I already know what I want to say, and so do you. You just want to ruin my private time with my Red Lobster biscuits on purpose. I then, foolishly, give my opinion and get backlash like a mug.
Friend: “Well, I mean, I wouldn’t say that. That’s kind of mean. I’m not doing that.”
“What the hell did you even ask for???”
The polite thing to do is to take the advice, even if you disagree, store it in the same place you keep song lyrics and your boyfriends Facebook password and say:
Friend: “Hmm, that’s interesting. I’ll keep that in mind.”
And that’s it.
All I have to say is this, you get what you ask for; if you don’t want advice, don’t ask for it.